He Remembers
by floug977
Summary: What really happened in "The Shepherd". What we didn't see.


Disclaimer: This is a one-shot about what we didn't see in episode 1x06 "The Shepherd". I was devastated, but this is my version. Hope you all enjoy it. If you all want me to continue the story let me know and I will try my best. I do not own Once Upon a Time or it's characters.

He entered Mr. Gold's shop and took a wondering look around the place. He wondered how Mr. Gold had acquired all of the unique items in the shop. He called for Mr. Gold. For someone, anyone that might be able to help him find the toll bridge. It was a little after eight and Storybrooke had become a ghost town. Ms. Mills was the only one in sight and she was obviously not very helpful to him. He didn't know her well, but he didn't get the best vibe from her and he sensed it was mutual. But he was a gentleman through and through. He wouldn't be rude to her just because he didn't know her despite the bad vibes.

When no one answered his calls he took another look at all of the treasures inside. Lamps, candelabras, even a windmill. Very old looking, dust collecting on it. He looked around and noticed dust on most of the items. How long had they all been sitting here? He wondered if ay of them once belonged to him.

He turned back to the windmill, thinking he had seen it somewhere before. Maybe it would jog something in his memory. He turned the windmill with his finger when he heard a voice.

"Charming."

A quick flash of him. Standing below a net. In the vision he heard the same "charming" but much more aggressive, firm, threatening in a way. As quick as the flash came, it was gone. He was left confused and bewildered and turned toward the man, craving more.

"I'm sorry?" he questioned. He really didn't have time for this. If Mary decided to meet him, he certainly didn't want to keep her waiting.

"The windmill," he paused. David couldn't pinpoint the look in the man's eyes. A twinkle, like he knew David. David had never seen this man before, but it was just like everyone else in the town. He didn't remember anyone or anything from this life. The only thing familiar to him was Mary Margaret. He needed to find her. Be with her. "Isn't it charming?" The man he assumed to be Mr. Gold broke him from his thoughts again. "Exquisitely designed, masterfully crafted. You may take a closer look if you like."

David shook his head, getting himself back on task. He just needed to see her, smell her, take her in his arms and feel like he belonged. She was the only thing keeping him here or he would have left the hospital and headed somewhere else entirely. He wasn't sure where though.

"No. I mean it's very nice, but actually I'm looking for the toll bridge." He went on to explain his misdirection from Ms. Mills. After receiving correct directions, he thanked the man. Hurriedly turning to exit the shop, he stopped dead in his tracks as he spotted a mobile. Exquisite. Glass unicorns. Familiar.

A flash. He was standing over a crib, staring at the mobile as a woman put her arms around him. This was his life. These were the holes in his memory that were missing. Not this life. David Nolan didn't exist. What was his name, then? He couldn't remember, but continued staring into the mobile when another vision flashed. He was breaking off an engagement with Katherine. No. Her name was Abigail. He had fallen in love with someone, he remembered. He saw her face in his memories then. He was almost knocked over by the sheer force of them. He remembered everything.

He remembered his first encounter with Snow and how her hot-headed feisty demeanor attracted him. He remembered he went to find his mother's ring, but he was also anxious to see her again. He wanted to get inside her head, figure her out. Instead, he felt sympathy for her. She wasn't a thief; she was a terrified woman trying to survive on her own in the wilderness. He could sympathize. She had lost her father and was ripped from the only life she had ever known in order to survive.

He remembered their secret meetings in the forest. He never knew where exactly she would be, she was constantly on the run. He found her every time. Tracking humans was strangely similar to tracking sheep. It was at the same time his kingdom overtook her late fathers. They defeated the queen and banished her forever.

He would protect Snow, marry her, and make her his forever. They would live secluded in his kingdom, but she turned him down. There was nothing he could do to ease her mind. She was not ready to be married to him. He remembered her telling him she loved him, but she no longer believed in love at first sight or true love. It was just too much too fast for her, but he told her he would wait for her forever. She continued to hide, still fearing for her safety. She was much better on her own, she said. She also had him to think about now too. They could not be together for fear the evil witch would kill James. His safety was far more important than hers and the queen would never touch him if they were apart.

That didn't stop him from searching for her, seeking her out to see her. Assure her that he was okay, but tell her that he would never be whole until she was with him. He couldn't bear the thought that she was living out in the wilderness alone with a witch out for her head. It was then he found the dwarfs. They were willing to take her in and shelter her, protect her. Thankfully she was willing. But the queen would not stop at any cost to see Snow dead.

One day. One apple. Her favorite fruit took her life. He was sitting in his chambers, once again riddled with his thoughts of her when one of Snow's bluebirds came to him, telling him she was in danger. He remembered his devastation upon finding her in the glass coffin. She was still eternally beautiful. He just needed to kiss her one last time. It wouldn't dull the pain he felt not by any means, but it was something he wanted to leave her with. To let her know she was loved. Eternally. She did not deserve that fate. And then she awoke. Elation, pure joy at knowing she was alive. It wasn't too late. He promised that he would forever be able to find her, never leave her, and always love her.

Their engagement was quick. One week and they were married. He sensed no hesitation or fear from Snow. Until their wedding day when the queen showed up. He wasn't sure how she had been able to enter their kingdom with heightened security, but he was proud of Snow standing up to her step mother, although he didn't want Snow to kill her. He didn't want his wife to stoop so low. She was stronger than that, despite all that the queen had put her through. It wasn't worth it. They were together and they were married. Nothing the witch could do to them would change that.

Their wedding night was not what they had expected. He had called an emergency meeting of the council to ward off the evil queen and her advances. To learn as much as they could about the impending curse.

Thomas and Ella's wedding. Snow's pregnancy. Her newfound fear of losing everything through this curse. Him. Their baby. Their life together. He assured her that nothing could ever separate them not even a curse so powerful. He had faith that their love would overcome any curse the witch would throw at them. No matter how they were separated they would always find each other.

The last hours were a whirlwind for them. Snow gave birth to their baby girl. He ran with her to the wardrobe, fighting for her life. He cared nothing about himself any longer. He just wanted her to make it through, have a better life than what awaited her if she remained with them.

"See something you like?" He turned and saw Rumpelstiltskin staring back at him. James took a deep breath and a step back, trying not to let on that he remembered anything from that life.

"Where did you get that?" he asked him, fingering the mobile as his memories became more concrete than ever. He saw Rumpelstiltskin smile at him, but not evilly.

"Beautiful, isn't it? Very old and delicate. It's been gathering dust for – well, forever."

"I think this belonged to me."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yes. I remember," he said and ran outside the shop. He sat down outside the door, catching his breath, wanting to go see Snow but he was too overwhelmed to move.

"Hello dearie," Mr. Gold said as Regina stepped into the light in the shop. "So good of you to visit."

"Did you do as I told you? Did he remember the windmill?" she asked, turning to him.

"He noticed the windmill, indeed," Mr. Gold said as he took up a cloth and began to dust off an item behind the counter as Regina walked to the windmill, turning it ever so slightly.

"Did he remember it?" she shouted at him.

"Please don't raise your voice to me, Ms. Mills. He remembers."

"Katherine?" she asked, hopeful.

"I think he remembers something else entirely," Mr. Gold said and Regina's face grew red with anger. She rushed to the back of the shop, entering the alley when she saw James coming toward her.

He turned right, heading through an alley toward the trail when Ms. Mills, he now recognized as the witch, came out of the darkness. He must not let her know that he knew. He couldn't. He was the first step to lifting the rest of the curse from this town. The first step in the battle of winning their lives back. She couldn't know.

"Did you find what you were looking for, David?" she asked.

"I must have heard you wrong. I got lost," he chuckled, smiling.

"Mmm. Yes. Did you find something in Mr. Gold's shop?" she asked, her eyes turning a deep red.

"No. Nothing. I still can't remember anything," he lied. He hoped he wasn't giving anything away, but from the looks of things he sensed she could tell he wasn't telling her the truth.

"So you still choose Mary Margaret? To ruin Katherine's life, to ruin the life you have together?" she asked, seeming concerned over Katherine – er, Abigail.

"We never had a life together. At least from what I can remember. Mary Margaret is the only thing in this town that makes any sense to me," he said, taking a breath. Snow. His Snow.

In a flash, he saw Ms. Mills' face grow red and he stepped back. "James," she said in a voice he easily recognized. She was no longer putting on a show for him as the good mayor of this town. She knew he remembered. But how?

"David," he answered.

"Don't toy with me," she spat. "I know you remember everything."

"You won't get away with this," he breathed. "The curse is weakening. The battle is beginning. And you will lose. Now, excuse me," he said. His strong demeanor as Prince James overcame him. He was no longer timid around Ms. Mills' and he had no plans of being gentlemanly or charming around her. Not now that she knew.

He stood tall and walked briskly past her. She didn't even bother to turn to follow him as she said, "I don't think you want to do that. Because if you do … I will kill her."

He stopped abruptly and turned back around. "Your threats do not hold the same level of dread here."

"Oh but they do. You have no idea what I am capable of here. In this world. I own everyone and everything. Puppets in my little game. I could very easily put you back into that coma. I could ruin her life. Take away her job, her apartment, everything she holds dear here. Make her have nothing to live for anymore," she threatened. "You wouldn't want that for your precious Snow White, would you?"

"You will not hurt her. I swear to God I will kill you."

"Murder is simply not acceptable in this world," she laughed at him. "Go ahead and kill me. It will get you nowhere. You would receive a life sentence in prison for killing a mayor. And Snow will never remember anything about you. Forever."

"What would you have me do?" he asked. He needed to save Snow. Even if it meant that she went on believing this lie, living as Mary Margaret where she would never have a happy ending.

"Simply lie to her. Tell her you remember everything about David Nolan, your life with Katherine. You love Katherine and that you will be going back to her. And you must never see her again."

He closed his eyes as tears began to well. Taking a deep breath he replied, "Done."

"And David, if you don't … if you continue to see her let on that you remember, she will be the first to die."

He turned from the witch, sadness sweeping over him. What should have been a happy reunion was filled with despair as Snow would hate him for what he was about to do, but at least she would be alive. Alive, but hurt. But that was bearable. They would both be miserable, but he would find a way. He would make sure he found a way back to his Snow White, break this curse.

As he ran, he saw her standing down by the water, wringing her hands, twirling something around her finger. After he left the queen he hoped with all his heart that she wouldn't be there. He approached her quickly, his breath taken away by the vision of her. He fought hard to keep his face neutral, to not show his sadness. She grinned at him and that did not make this any easier. He wanted to pull her to him, help her to remember him, but he could not. Her life was at stake.

"You came," was all he could think of to say.

"You sound surprised," she smiled. "In fact, you almost sound a bit disappointed," and her smile was gone. He could see the hurt creeping inside of her, bubbling up and he wanted to die for hurting her.

"I remember," he wasn't going to lie. He was going to convince her that he didn't remember his fairy tale life without lying. He could never lie to her.

"Katherine?" she asked a smile still on her face. He wanted to tell her no, that it was she he remembered.

"Everything," he answered instead. Which was true. He remembered everything as James, not David.

"And you love her?" she asked.

Uh oh. "I don't know," he answered. Then decided he would answer as if he was talking about Snow. "I know I did. I remember how I felt and I think I have to honor that," meaning that he was going to save her. That he loved her and he always would, honoring that love to keep her alive.

"And everything that you said to me …"

He cut her off. "Is true. I do have feelings for you. Intense feelings."

"Are you going back to her?" she asked.

"It's what I have to do," he answered her. If only he could make her understand. He knew the curse on her was too powerful for her to see her Prince Charming standing in front of her. It wasn't her fault and he didn't blame her at all.

"What you didn't have to do … was lead me on," she said hurt and angry. He winced at her words and nodded.

"I know."

"So you've made your choice?" she asked and he could see the start of tears in her eyes. One fell and he wanted to wipe it away with his thumb, take her and kiss her, let her know that saving her was his choice. There was no other way. He wasn't a prince in this world, he held no power over the queen, and it was the only way to save her.

"I'm sorry," he answered, maintaining eye contact with her.

"That's okay," she waved him off. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be." As she turned, he hung his head somberly. He couldn't watch her as she walked away, knowing he could never see her again.

After she was out of ear shot he whispered, "I love you, Snow." And headed back to live a meaningless existence.


End file.
